In my last post, I described my own “dark night of the soul”. I wasn’t writing to claim mental unwellness, but remembering a hard time in my life. (One that I hope is being cultured into a pearl.) If you also have a tendency toward depressive or unstable thinking, I hope this encourages you.
Mental illness is a hot topic in today’s culture and deserves a closer look.
To be clear, I think there is a difference in naming our spiritual struggles and dwelling in darkness. I still once in awhile encounter the surface level feelings of worthlessness (red flag warning!), but I cannot linger very long in it. This is a spiritual struggle, and everyone who follows Christ will face their own battles.
This is what draws me out of the pity ditch:
If then you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.
Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.
Colossians 3:1-4 (emphasis mine)
You see, at my lowest point I had forgotten the power of God in Jesus that put to death my old self and raised me to new life. I was examining all my failures and sorrows like a nearsighted child, and it was blocking my view of Life. Satan, the deceiver, uses pain and doubt as a handkerchief to blind people to God’s goodness, his redemptive powers.
We who follow Jesus are drawn to Him only after we realize we are sin-sick slaves and need someone to break the chains. Our upbeat lifestyle of “following our heart” and our “just do it!” mentality–it leads only to emptiness if there isn’t a greater purpose in living. We are human and we are completely dependent on our Creator. We are either serve our own self or we serve God.
The truth is this, and it seems a harsh word to the depressed: indeed, we are helpless on our own! (What a blow to the American conscience!)
But to wallow in this, I must let go of Jesus. To believe I am worthless, I must say God is wrong, that He doesn’t really love me at all. That I wasn’t created for a purpose, that I am broken and can’t be fixed.
Brothers and Sisters, fellow Christians! Here is the issue with mental illness: God did not redeem you to live half healed. He didn’t redeem you to live alone in a pit, listing your misfortunes, doubting your existence and yearning for death. He paid for your life so you can live intimately in tune with your Maker.
In the deepest part of you, you know this. You have unlimited access to the Lord. You can hash it out all day or night on your bed in your dark room.
When I was in despair, I begged God to take my failure and turn it into something, anything. Specifically, I said, “Lord, what is wrong with me? Why am I hurting so bad? Help me see it, God. Fix me!”
Tell God all that is in your heart, as one unloads one’s heart its pleasures and its pains to a dear friend.
Tell him your troubles, that he may comfort you.
Tell him your joys, that he may sober them.
Tell him your longings, that he may purify them.
Tell him your dislikes, that he may help you to conquer them.
Talk to him of your temptations, that he may shield you from them.
Show him the wounds of your heart, that he may heal them.
Lay bare your indifference to good, your depraved tastes for evil, your instability.
Tell him how self love makes you unjust to others,
how vanity tempts you to be insincere,
how pride disguises you to yourself as to others.
If you thus pour out all your weaknesses, needs, troubles–there will be no lack of what to say! You’ll never exhaust the subject, it’s continually being renewed.
People who have no secrets from each other never want subjects of conversation.They do not weigh their words. For there is nothing to be held back. Neither do they seek for something to say. They talk out of the abundance of the heart, without consideration just what they think. Blessed are they who attain to such familiar, unreserved intercourse with God.
(Francois Fenelon)
I have told you about how I heard a radio program that was the catalyst in my recovery. There were two things I picked up: God’s Word and exercise. I took them at face value, pill form. I opened my Bible and put on some running shorts. But now I know why these things matter. These are things that don’t require my feelings, my input. They required forward motion, simple obedience.
In reading God’s Word, I believe what it says or I deny it entirely. It is able to divide bone and marrow and the thoughts and intentions of man. It tells me who God is and who I am. As with a prescription from a physician, I ingested this truth daily. It sank into the deepest, tenderest parts of me and began to renew my mind.
With exercise, there is a similar concentration. After Adam and Eve had to leave the garden, they were sentenced to a life of hard labor. Part of this was a consequence for sinning against God, but I wonder if, in His mercy, this was a method designed for preservation and mental stability. Exhausting our physical energy affects our minds. Our focus narrows to the basics, staying alert, upright, finishing the task. Pity cannot throw a party when a person is at work.
It is fascinating to think on how our minds and bodies are intertwined. It is a mystery. When my feelings tangle their way into my thoughts, or when I stray off the path of intentional Bible reading and meaningful physical exertion–it is only a matter of time before I’m down in the dumps. I know feelings on their own aren’t the source of trouble. But sometimes feelings are liars, and what is true and right must hold court.
Tell God all that is in your heart…
Tell him your troubles, that he may comfort you.
Tell him your joys, that he may sober them.
Tell him your longings, that he may purify them.
Tell him your dislikes, that he may help you to conquer them.
Talk to him of your temptations, that he may shield you from them.
Show him the wounds of your heart, that he may heal them.
First, you must go to Him and tell Him everything. Second, you must pick up your work, that which trains your body and mind apart from emotional distraction.
Third, you must believe He can do it.
But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.
Romans 8:11
Friends, the Spirit who raised Jesus from the dead can raise you from death, too.
Good reading Pearl!