I hesitate to write this. Many people read what I write from the view of a happy public schooler. I really don’t want it to sound like I’ve lost my first love, so to speak. I also don’t want anyone to get the vibe I am anti-homeschool. But I promised an update on this situation, and I think there are plenty of us in the same weird boat, so here goes:
I used to notice how relentless homeschoolers were with mentioning that they homeschooled. Relentless, I say, because it was the unabating, reliable first words off their lips.
We homeschool, was the inevitable answer, when asked everything from what grade the kids were in to if they celebrated Halloween. I think it annoyed me from the get-go, because life can be both simple and complicated. It immediately shushed me as if I were an outsider, daring to insult or challenge a system I had no business anywhere near. It brought into clear view a once-invisible scaffolding: we are building a fortress, and you public schoolers will never understand.
What can I say? I’m too sensitive–though I still think it’s a pertinent observation for the homeschooling crowd. People are curious, and curiosity is not, of itself, a screaming insult tossed like a grenade in your direction.
Yes, but level are they at, grade-wise? Just an honest, friendly question.
And why, exactly, would you not take the opportunity to visit with your rarely-seen neighbor who happens to be passing out free candy only one night per year?
Now I am a homeschooler, and I sort of get it. I can’t claim the title–I’m far too disorganized and pell-mell for a legit schoolroom and steady curriculum. I am sure it’s to the chagrin of many a pro homeschooler we are invading this hallowed territory and stamping a big fat “better-than-nothing” label on it, but: we homeschool. I’ve found it’s a catch-all explanation, and it has a nice, wholesome edge to it. My kids are at home all the time. We do everything together, and the lines are a little blurry. We have values. It’s none of your business.
Like it or not, it puts a firm and polite end to the conversation, one that many homeschoolers are unwilling to pursue. I can see why one doesn’t wish to hash out their convictions in line at Walmart. I like my freedom like anyone else.
Besides, I’m not at peace admitting it, but there comes a self-assuredness with limiting outside influences and challenges. It’s a yellow danger sign to the uninitiated and curious–we homeschool. Leave us alone.
I’ve had an ongoing snail mail correspondence with a dear friend of mine where we’ve written out pages, longhand, weighing the pros and cons of every educational approach. We both are reluctant to throw shade on any particular perspective, mostly because we’ve met wonderful, life-giving, encouraging people in every corner. We see certain unique benefits to private, public, and homeschool sectors.
But we’ve recently admitted that the public school scene is encountering some major problems. Flaws that might not be resolved. That separation of church and state that seemed (once upon a time) so constitutional–well, the gap is closing with government-instituted mental health care and humanistic, progressive ideology. Government is re-introducing itself into education as hope and hero, and kicking out parents. Even a mild Halloween celebrator like myself draws the line somewhere.
And private school is so…expensive.
This year I happened upon a really awesome (almost too good to be true) online program that has finally centered homeschool well within my capabilities.
It’s put into my hands virtually every curriculum and software a school could offer, plus tech classes for my more advanced kids. I can do simple things like print off worksheets, or they can follow a step by step lesson on digital animation in Adobe. I’ve been given a stipend to buy things like books, DSLR cameras and tripods, 3D printers, sewing machines, ski lessons, drones, musical instruments, language tutoring.
All I had to do is mail in an intent to homeschool form, and enroll in this free, online option, and the funds were diverted from the state, some of it directly in my pocketbook.
The opportunity dropped out of the sky and into my lap in August–no doubt a heavenly nudge, perfectly timed.
Now, three months in, and as schools around me are sending kids back home to remote learning, It’s enough for me to really, truly wonder why I wouldn’t homeschool. This program is fantastic for us, flexible and forgiving.
But those funds came from the state, and I can’t help but think for every cool thing we are doing at home, we are ripping a bit off the public system. And, quite possibly, ripping my kids off when it comes to life experience.
I’ll tell you how easy it is to ignore the world outside my home when I’m focused on helping my own kids get their schoolwork done. What a relief it is to not be tied to the zoom teacher schedules all day long. To not have to monitor the screen time or trust they are marching right along with state standards.
To have an eye on everything and think, foolishly, it’s all under control.
I want to be clear: we are in weird, crazy times. I will finish out this school year with side eyes, wondering if we actually made headway or if we just were treading water. We wanted to escape the heavy political climate due to Covid, and we’re doing it. But I’m hoping and praying I don’t finish this year thinking I’ve got it all figured out.
I hope I never give up knocking on our neighbor’s doors for Halloween in favor of celebrating Reformation Day (no offense to those who do, I just never knew what it was till recently, and ironically many non-Halloween-celebrating folk of the homeschooling variety have found a handy substitute holiday. God bless Luther). I pray to God He reunites us with teachers and coaches who will love my kids and, for Pete’s sake, teach them some upper level math.
I’m realizing the more I think I have it together, the less I usually do. The more confidence I put in my arrangement, the less I actually depend on Jesus. The more I talk myself into an ignorance-is-bliss mentality, the more of a light under a bushel I become.
I’m forever reminding myself to distrust safety and false assurances which promise I have any control over the situation. Everyday is reality, undulation, wonderful highs and desperate lows. It is fine to test my intentions with a gut check–necessary, even. When all this cautious, careful, home-staying business is over, will I still understand our safety and security was never dependent on my ability to maintain it?
Covid. Schooling. Politics. Our lives have been rolling along on these three wheels, anticipating the next bump. Day by day, the only thing I can trust is Jesus.
For me, I’m finally able to put it into words. Sure, I homeschool. It’s the quickie version and cheap explanation for how we are moving through these times, biding our days until parents are allowed back in school and voices are heard. But “we homeschool” still certainly doesn’t answer all my questions (nor anyone else’s) when it comes to much else. It doesn’t address more than our current situation. To the rest of the world, we homeschool is not code for Jesus is my Lord. You’ve actually got to say those words if your intention is to confess Him before men.
And that is a legitimate challenge for every believer, no matter where you fall on the educating-your-kids spectrum. It will set you apart like nothing else, and it lands a bit more resounding than any conversation-ending “we homeschool” comment.
Anyhow, saints, I know you are trusting Him, too.
Whether you homeschool, private, or public school–you’ve really only got one Hope. This year has not been any bigger disaster or triumph than a previous year. It’s all going perfectly according to His plans, even if maddeningly so for us humans who cannot quite grasp it.
So hang in there–till things change, and even if they don’t. Rip the bushel off and burn bright on your hill, wherever that is.
To you hard working moms and dads juggling school however and wherever that may be:
What has changed for you in the last eight months?
Does anything still need to change?
How can you balance humility and shine brightly in your circumstance?
Do you need to let go of some control issues you have and allow Jesus to take the reins?
