In the Closet: Keeping Secrets with God in a not-so-secret World
Essay 7: Imperceptible Grind
To the wicked, God says:
“What right have you to recite my laws or take my covenant on your lips? You hate my instruction and cast my words behind you. When you see a thief, you join with him; you throw in your lot with adulterers.
You use your mouth for evil and harness your tongue to deceit. You speak continually against your brother and slander your own mother’s son. These things you have done and I kept silent; you thought I was altogether like you.
But I will rebuke you and accuse you to your face.”
Psalm 50:16-21
I had a brown spot on my tooth, newly discovered while sitting on the couch one evening, a book in hand. My tongue ran over uneven enamel, a rough bump on the pearly whites. That night when I brushed my teeth, I examined it closely in the mirror. It could be a cavity, I supposed, but I brush and floss my teeth often, and I was sure I’d have seen it sooner if it looked decayed. It didn’t ache at all, but the next morning I scheduled a dentist appointment. It wouldn’t hurt to have it checked out.
The doctor poked around and asked me if I grind my teeth at night.
“Well,” I said thoughtfully, “my jaw does seem tense when I wake up in the mornings.”
“That’s it then, you’re a teeth grinder. See here, you chipped off a hunk of your tooth. The tooth behind it is also chipped, but you can’t see it. Here, let’s take some photos so you can see it better.”
He took pictures and quickly pulled them up on the computer.
“Look at the wear,” he pointed, showing an up close view of a mouthful of slightly damaged teeth.
Indeed, I had been clenching my teeth in my sleep. An imperceptible grinding was slowly wearing them away. The dentist prepared to fit my newest mistake with a partial crown. He talked about future dental care; he recommended an aligning treatment and, at the very least, a retainer to wear at night.
I left unsure of where to begin. It seemed an awful lot to take in for a person like me: one who took pride in her responsible dental care. It was like I’d been accused of drowning baby kittens when I thought I was a saint. Me, a flosser even! Now I was going to have to change my ways or face the music, a future void of pita chips and caramel corn.
Stick with me while I try to make an analogy.
For a long time I have been a podcast listener, eagerly awaiting weekly episodes to accompany my endless laundry basket hustle and evening dog walks. Podcasts are a cool way to fill in mindless work with a good mental chew, and I’m never without a list of options. One constant companion has been a well-known Christian group that puts out an hourly show regaling all things pop culture and current trends. The two hosts are delightful, funny, and quick-witted. Their references to music, television, movies, celebrities, and current events is amplified by their Christian worldview. I appreciate it, because I feel like they are speaking to me as a friend, someone familiar with my own upbringing. To put it plainly, I get what is funny because they explain it to me in words I can understand. On the side, they happen to have another podcast that focuses on stories from the Bible. Again, they drew me in with their humor and candor.
But I’ve been folding laundry with them for a long time now, and I’m detecting some things that are not the greatest signifiers to being “Christian” podcast celebrities. It is an inconsistency that wasn’t, in the beginning, a glaring red light warning, so I ignored it for a good while. But over time, the language got worse, the length the hosts were willing to go to get a laugh. I was unable to listen to the program with small children around. Finally, at the end of one of their shows, they put in a quick advertisement for a brand new project they were working on for paid subscribers. For a small monthly fee, folks would be able to access this new production where the hosts would break down every episode of Tiger King, just like they had done for Game of Thrones.
I guess the shock wore off quickly. Maybe it didn’t seem like a big deal. I hadn’t watched these shows because they weren’t accessible, and besides, they didn’t seem like my type. Without much consideration, I’d inoculated myself to this idea that other Christians willingly expose themselves to shows where vulgarity, sex, incest, abuse, coercement, indecency, and filth fill up their living rooms and minds on any given weekday night. Entertainment, we call it–nothing wrong with a little entertainment.
The more I considered it, though, the more I realized my beloved podcast hosts were falling into a common trap of the enemy: the lie that says this behavior will not destroy me.
It’s one of those nasties we sugarcoat with our boundless “freedom in Christ”, then end up completely off course, looking back and wondering where we took the fork in the road.
Psalm 19:12 says
But who can discern their own errors?
Forgive me of my hidden faults.
We are, on our own, pathetically unaware of our weaknesses. We give our flesh way too much credit for being good, when our very DNA denies it is possible.
I thought about my two beloved podcast hosts as my dentist filled the hole in my tooth and patiently explained to me the situation of grinding my teeth.
Their overall spiritual health was at risk because they didn’t recognize the disease, the grinding, the effect of their poor habits. It was negating their whole lives as Christ-followers.
Instead of coming off as funny and charming, the inconsistencies in their dialogue carried the scent of deceit. Sweet and cunning on the outside and foul and rotten once exposed. For a small price, followers could buy into this cattiness, this insincerity, and feel as if they were part of a community–Jesus-branded, but ultimately, pagan, godless Babylon.
To the wicked God says, “What right have you to tell of My statutes, and to take my covenant in your mouth? For you hate discipline, and you cast My words behind you…
You let your mouth loose in evil, and your tongue frames deceit…
You thought I was altogether like you. But I will rebuke you and accuse you to your face.
Psalm 50:16,17,19,21
The unknowing sin still causes damage, yet we are without excuse.
Just as in the case of my teeth, most of the irreparable damage is done unintentionally. It is simply a matter of falling unchecked into patterns that came as natural as sleep. Unaware, we keep up the grind. We retrace habits that chip away at our character. It is obvious upon closer look, like when my dentist showed me the pictures of the damage, but for the most part we go on our way, no wiser.
It doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. It is still my fault, when it comes down to it: I was the one responsible for the grinding. But if no one had brought attention to it, I would’ve never known any better.
No one is forcing any of us to consume terrible television every night before bedtime. No one is pressuring us to open the same windows, scroll the same feeds, ingest the same junk. Many people who are professed Christians find nothing wrong with a little worldliness. But unless someone points out the damage, or we feel some Spirit nudge, how exactly will we confront our sin?
We are woefully unaware of our lack of reverence. When we tear down the mirror of God’s word and replace it with a big screen TV, our attention is not only divided, it is completely skewed. We’ve moved our souls into a fun house, where the floor is pitched at a forty-five degree angle, the chairs are nailed to the ceiling, and gravity is an illusion.
But we are not clowns. This, then, is why we ultimately must leave the amusement park. We commit ourselves to living with the Potter, eating at His table, making our home in His house. His shelter is better, his foundation, unmoving. Our God is a master at uncovering our weakness, gently revealing it to us, and developing a treatment plan. His is discernment, to Him belongs discipline and order.
And maybe most surprisingly–in His house is delight.
